What part of 'No, I'm not from Israel' is hard to grasp?
When people ask 'Where are you from?' What do I say?
My usual answer is 'Here and there' but that is almost never good enough for complete strangers who just walk up to me and ask me where I'm from.
I can't shake how creepy that was and I feel weird about that petrol station now.
Of all places you could think me from, I'm clearly Israeli because of my Mogen David necklace? Seriously? When I have a (generally) English accent? Really?
I actually like it when people are curious about me, but not like that ... that was creepy. And he was trying to block our exit and it was NOT COOL.
In any case, that was an experience we actually had some time ago brought on by something that I was reading in another community that also flagged something else I've been dealing with lately:
*I* am good with my religious/spiritual expression. The more I study and practise, the cooler everything gets and the better I feel and the more ... well, anyway ... I wish I could hunt down other people in my situation. Maybe some of you are in the same way and I don't even know about it. If so, though, I wish you would have mentioned it ;)
Here's the problem:
I find it difficult to talk about *my* religious expression. I love talking religion, but often it comes up that my views will clash. Someone (especially in the LJ-setting) will say something like 'That's an idol!' to someone else and I so badly want to jump in, but then ... from their point of view, my opinion is not valid. Why?
I don't just practise Judaism.
I don't just practise Hinduism.
I don't just practise Islam.
I don't just practise Shinto.
I don't just practise Buddhism.
I don't just practise Orthodox Christianity or Catholicism or Anglicanism.
How dare someone insist I pick one. These were gifts given to me by my family. My ancestors came together in beautiful streams of spirituality and those streams are my birthright, everything else aside.
I'm sorry that you see a clash here. I am desperately sorry, because I don't and what I *do* see is beautiful and passionate and vital.
On top of that, I've brought additions of my own, and these things assist me in joining these streams given to me by my family into a powerful river of an amazing faith that is as holy to me as anyone's faith can be.
My own family has problems with it.
And as much as I love my friends, my husband, my family ... I feel like I have no one to talk to.
Sometimes I feel like it's that no one cares, though I'm sure that isn't true. Mostly, I feel I might offend or that (even if they don't let me see it) they'll simply be uncomfortable or think me mis-led. I don't feel like I can find a place to talk that is simply ...talking.
I search, I experiment, I experience. I can't live my spiritual life any other way. I don't think I should have to. This is the gift of my heritage.
One of the practical sides of this is - now that I'm going back to headcoverings, I've been going over my options. Before, I've had to make my own, so my options were very limited and I stuck with a snood, because it was easy. I also messed with tying regular scarves, but that was incredibly uncomfortable. Now I want to purchase just one or two coverings, made by people who know what they're doing, that will contribute some simple honour to their role in my life.
My most immediate choices: Islamic or Jewish?
I know people in both camps who would be horrified by the idea that I even have trouble deciding.
What I'm hoping I'll be able to do is buy one of each, search out my faves (within a very limited budget) of each and try them out, probably just in my house, and see how they feel.
It's been so long since I've worn a headscarf in public ... I've been wearing hats and bandannas that would no one would notice. It was a big loss for me that I really need to correct, but I'm nervous. I remember this nervousness.
Reactions were mixed.
Geez, I don't know if I'm getting the issue across at all ...
But this is getting ridiculously long, so I'll end here by asking:
Any opinions? -hopeful-
- Current Mood: nervous